


Amnesia Talks

by Nadziusspl



Category: Amnesia: The Dark Descent
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Crack, CrackAU, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, Incorrect Quotes, LMAO, Memes, OOC, Other, Swearing, alexander is pan, crackshipping, dankmemes, modernau, slightshipping, talks, the rest is pretty gay, trash, wilhelm is asexual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26958133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadziusspl/pseuds/Nadziusspl
Summary: some random talks, incorrect quotes and crack. i believe every fandom needs these so here i am. there might be slight shipping. almost all of these are in a modern au. many (if not most) talks will be stolen from tumblr, vines or popular memes. i am not sorry.
Relationships: Alexander of Brennenburg & Daniel, Alexander of Brennenburg/Daniel, Gabriel The Outrider/Jacob, Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa/Johann Weyer
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	1. -1-

Alexander: some people need to learn to be more polite.

Weyer: hey-

Alexander: fuck off.


	2. -2-

Alexander, with sunglasses on, holding a skateboard: how do you do, fellow kids?


	3. -3-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daniel x Alexander warning, if u don't ship it u can skip this chapter or something.

Daniel: My boyfriend's too tall for me to kiss him, what should i do?

Weyer: kick him in the stomach and kiss him when he bends over in pain.

Gabriel: knock him over.

Jacob: break up with him.

Wilhelm: kick him in the shin.

Alexander: ..or you could just ask me to bend over?


	4. -4-

(all standing in front of a broken coffee machine)

Alexander: So. Who broke it? I’m not mad. I just want to know.

Agrippa: I did. I broke it…

Alexander: No. No, you didn’t. Gabriel?

Gabriel: Don’t look at me. Look at Daniel.

Daniel: What?! I didn’t break it.

Gabriel: Huh. That’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Daniel: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!

Gabriel: Suspicious.

Daniel: No, it’s not!

Weyer: If it matters, probably not… Jacob was the last one to use it.

Jacob: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Weyer: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Jacob: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Weyer!

Agrippa: Alright let’s not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it, Alexander.

Aexander: No. Who broke it?

Daniel: [whispering] Alex, Wilhelm’s been awfully quiet…

Wilhelm: Really?!

Daniel: Yeah, really!

…

Alexander: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.


	5. -5-

Daniel: *catches a spider under a cup*

Gabriel: *walks over and places two other identical cups*

Daniel: Please, don't-

Gabriel: *starts to rearrange the cups*


	6. -6-

Alexander: sometimes i feel like i'm doing something wrong in life.

Weyer: SoMeTiMeS?!?


	7. -7-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel the Outrider x Jacob because i can lmao

Jacob: i never had a friend..

Gabriel: i can be your friend!!!

Jacob:

Jacob: i never had a boyfriend.


	8. -8-

Daniel: *wakes up from a long nap* 

Daniel, confused: ..where am i?

Alexander, sarcastically: in heaven.

Daniel: I wouldn't expect you here.

Alexander:


	9. -9-

(texting)

Agrippa: nose

Agrippa: i just typed "nose" with my nose!

Weyer: penis


	10. -10-

Daniel: God, please give me patience.

Alexander: I think you're looking for "God, give me strength".

Daniel: If God gave me strength you'd be dead.


	11. -11-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charts! Because why not? i like em.

****

Polite Aristocracy - Agrippa  
Bastard Aristocracy - Alexander  
Polite Victorian Orphan - Daniel  
Bastard Victorian Orphan - Gabriel


	12. -12-

Alexander, concerned: what are you doing with that knife?

Daniel, stabbing a picture of Alexander: I'm cutting toxic people out of my life.


	13. -13-

Wilhelm, handing out a smiley face balloon: I haVe nO sOuL! HaVe a niCe dAy!

Alexander, taking the balloon: I don't have one either.

Wilhelm: *wHeeZe-

Alternative:

Weyer, handing out a smiley face balloon: I haVe nO sOuL! HaVe a niCe dAy!

Jacob, taking the balloon: I don't have one either.

Weyer: *wHeeZe-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note:  
> Honestly this fits everybody so well that i didn't know which characters would fit the best.
> 
> I added the Alternative because I feel like Weyer and Jacob would have a great dynamic with this. They'd be an amazing comedic duo if you ask me.


	14. -14-

Jacob: sometimes i get this urge to jump off a roof.

Gabriel:

Jacob: you know, for fun.


	15. -15-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daniel x Alexander warning so watch out 🚨🚨

Gabriel: are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Daniel: I'M A KNIFE.

Alexander, from across the room: he's the little spoon.


	16. -16-

Alexander: *holding like 12 frying pans* daniel i need to tell you something.

Daniel: what the hell- i've been looking for these pans the past 2 hours-

Alexander: daniel, I'm pansexual.

Daniel: because of this stupid pun we won't have dinner tonight, i hope you're happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a headcanon that Alex is pansexual so there you go also this is a modern au if you're confused.


	17. -17-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How come there is no Jacob x Gabriel fanfiction this is a rant. Also Jacob gay af lol.

Jacob, singing: 🎶 Don't tell your mother 🎶

Gabriel: (joins in) 🎶 Kiss one another 🎶

Jacob: D̴̝̼͙̰̜̪̰͓̜̉̄̀̽̉͋̐̋͌̊̽̽̈͘̕͝͝İ̸̛̺͓͈̈̓͘͜E̸̩͇͎̬̅̽̏̃̈͆̉̋͌̽͗̄͂̀͗́̔ ̴͈͖͔͖̭̈́̾F̶̡̱̯̱͈̗̟̪͓͎̝̪̭̫̾̌͂͊̐̅́͗͗̆́̽͐̓̄̂͝ͅO̷̼̝͇̤̼̙͎͑͌̓̋̿̚͘R̴̨͓̗̭̘̾̈́̽̈́̾̓̎͛̽͐͂͂̋͑͆͝ ̵̧̧̨̧͕̺̹̤̮͍̫̰͇̞̥̯̤͓̲̓̑̒̿E̸̟͕̯͎̋̒͌Ȁ̵̧̡̭̳̣̜͚̭͉͊͊̚C̴̭̳͈̺̗͈̳͈͚̠̭̹̝͈͖͔͚̀̓̆͐͂͊̑̏̉̆͌͜ͅH̷̻͍̱̝̟͆̀̈́̋̓̔̈̿͂̊̊́̾̋̏́̏͠͠ ̶̹̩̫̥̟̫̯͇͓̒̆̾͊͐̃̊͆͆̊̔̅͠ͅO̴̟̓̂͒͋̈́̿̋̈́̃̃̌̉̈́̀͘ͅT̵̙͛̿̉̃̈̐̇͌͒́̾͒͛̊̎͒̕͠H̴̨̫̞̙͖͙̳̦̳̳͓̱͈̐̓̒́̊̇͒̽̅̚̕̚͜͜͝È̵̡̡̺͔̝͕̝̤̙̤͔͉͖̜̤͔͉͖̜̓́̃́̓̊͆̑͘͝R̴̛͔̳̩̮͙͉̗̜̜͓͔̥̥̞̤̝͓̝̓̚

Gabriel: (falls off chair)


	18. -18-

Agrippa: what are you doing?

Weyer: oh i was just gonna light this chicken on fire to see if it turns into a phoenix.

Agrippa: it's 3am.

Agrippa: we can try later.


	19. -19-

Alexander: Did it hurt-

Daniel: Let me guess, when I fell from heaven?

Alexander: No. When you fell down the stairs five minutes ago.


	20. -20-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agrippa x Weyer warning

Weyer: Aww, you have a crush on me? That's embarrassing.

Agrippa: (raises an eyebrow) We are married.

Weyer: Still.


	21. -21-

Gabriel: You just always see the worst in people.

Jacob: Yeah, because people are the worst.


	22. -22-

Daniel: How come you've been abnormally nice to me lately?

Jacob: What do you mean?

Daniel: You just seem nicer than usual.

Jacob: I'll punch you in the face if you want.


	23. -23-

Wilhelm: Sorry it took me so long to arrive, I broke down on the way here.

Gabriel: Oh, is your car okay?

Wilhelm, slightly turning his head in confusion: ...Car?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO I JUST REALIZED THEY DIDN'T EXIST AT THE SAME TIME SO TAKE THIS AS A MODERN AU OR SMTH I'M PRETTY SURE CARS DIDN'T EXIST THEN EITHER. 
> 
> So yeah Modern AU.


	24. -24-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU once again.

Wilhelm, on his first day as a teacher: Turn to page 0.

Random Student: But sir, it's-

Wilhelm: Blank. Like your future. You were born to die. Welcome to philosophy 101.


	25. -25-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agrippa x Weyer alertt 🚨

*High School Au*

Weyer: My name is Johann, but you can call me tonight! *winks*

Agrippa, glancing around uncomfortably: Uhm.. Okay, Tonight.


	26. -26-

*High School Au* (again)

Daniel: What's a thot?

Alexander: It's a thoughtful person.

(later at lunch)

Agrippa: Here's the salt, Daniel.

Daniel: Thanks Agrippa, you're such a thot!

Weyer: *spits out water*

Alexander: *laughing uncontrollably*


	27. -27-

Agrippa: When i said "Bring me something from the beach", i meant like a seashell.

Weyer: *struggling to hold onto a seagull* Well you didn't fucking say that.


	28. -28-

Daniel: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF!

Alexander: Don't take this the wrong way but i feel like i'm being threatened by a cupcake.


	29. -29-

Gabriel: Here you go Danny, nice hot cup of tea.

Daniel: Oh, it's cold.

Gabriel: Nice cup of tea.

Daniel, gagging: It's horrible!

Gabriel: Cup of tea.

Daniel: I'm not even sure it is tea.

Gabriel: Cup.

Daniel: It's a mug.

Gabriel:


	30. -30-

Jacob: Oh no!

Daniel: Oh no!

Gabriel, crashing through the wall: OOHHH YEAAAHHH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have my fave trio! I know they only have any interactions in Remember, but i love expanding relationships and i do that A LOT in Amnesia.


	31. -31-

Jacob: Gay rights? True.

Jacob: As a gay I am always right.


	32. -32-

-Modern Au-

[Playing Scrabble]

Gabriel: I will put my "A" down to make "A".

Jacob: I will add to your "A" to make "AT".

Agrippa: I will add onto your "AT" to make "RAT".

Daniel: I will add onto your "RAT" to make "BIOSTRATIGRAPHIC".

Gabriel: [flips the board]


	33. -33-

Daniel: Fuck you.

Jacob: No, fuck you. You're the bottom in this relationship.

Daniel:

Daniel: We aren't even dating?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even ship it but this fits them lmao.


	34. -34-

Gabriel: Jacob, apologize to Daniel.

Jacob: Fine.

Daniel:

Jacob: Unfuck you or whatever.


End file.
